Death Cab for Woody

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Beckham would not approve….

Having attended college football games in various places, I have noticed a disturbing trend in the apparel being put on display at the various establishments. Of course I would be remiss if I did not give a small shout out to our “jort” wearing brethren down south, but this is not really about them (However, there is a specific manlaw concerning “jort” geography restrictions, which may be addressed at a later date). This is about something a little more serious and I see this rule being broken over and over again at college football stadiums across the midwest.

Manlaw #719-45: Thou shalt not wear a college football replica jersey of a player when between the ages of 25 and 50.

Look, I realize that this is a hard rule for some to live by within the big three of the big 11 (Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania), but this is a necessary rule that is being pushed to the extreme every game day. College students and young men/boys are given a pass on this one, which will be addressed later in the post. Men that are pushing their 50’s could do anything they damn well please, and it would be a shame for someone in “manlaw” enforcement to take “Bob Barker-like” beating, while attempting to remove an Ian Gold jersey in Ann Arbor. It would be tough enough to get the old guy to stand up and show some life in the Big House, but once he gets started…look out. However, this absolute disregard for this rule is pushed even farther when mixed the following statute.

Manlaw #719-48: Thou shalt not wear a hat of any kind displaying the same team logo, if said person is wearing shirt or outerwear blazing the same team emblem.

It needs to be stated that there are exceptions to the enforcement of this rule, such as men/boys that are under the age of 19. They are young and stupid and their chances of getting some or even wanting some are slim to none (Note: Women, in general, do not need to adhere to any of these rules). This would be similar to owning a sportscar and wearing a driving jacket with the car’s logo on it.

Bottom Line

You don’t want to be that guy. Seriously.

I know that college football season is still months away. However, as us OSU fans head over to the Buckeye Corner and UM fans stroll to the M-Den to purchase this year’s overpriced Nike Team Sports shirt, it is imperative to not break these cardinal sins of gameday clothing.

Coming Soon: Jorts north of the Mason-Dixon Line…and Gas Station Team Apparel..Is it ok to wear (Moped Theory) or even buy (Gas Station Sandwich Theory)?


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

10,000 Days...a great album...and other meanings

I recently picked up the 10,000 Days album by Tool. While I am sure that the Tool had its own reasoning for the album title, it really got the Death Cab for Woody staff thinking...What else hasn't happened for 10,000 days, since May 30th,2006? (Only speaking of teams that have done it in the past...Sorry Mariners fans!!)

It's not an exact science, so 27-28 years is a good gauge of drought for these franchises....

Stanley Cup Droughts....

  • Chicago Blackhawks - 1961 - How Bill Wirtz can sleep at night is beyond me? WGN shows the Cubs and even the White Sox...Why not the Hawks?
  • Toronto Maple Leafs - 1967 - Every Canadian outside of Ontario thanks the good Lord everyday for this display of obnoxious fan justice.
  • Boston Bruins - 1972 - Only fans of a team like this would be happy for its signature player to move on to the Dive'alanche for a better chance at the cup.
  • Philadelphia Flyers - 1975 - Eastern Conference Fans love Bobby Clarke...He is kind of like LLLLoyd Carr for us OSU fans. Bobby...this is called "Karma" from the Summit Series in 1972. I suggest watching some "Carson" or "My Name is Earl" for ideas on solving that Karma problem.

I really can't shed a tear for poorly managed organizations that will not spend money or spend it unwisely, such as the teams listed above.

MLB World Series Champs

  • Chicago Cubs - 1908 - Thank you kept me from speaking first about my beloved...
  • Cleveland Indians - 1948 - Mistake by the Lake...or mistake going with a shaky Mesa in Game 7 of the 97 series. %$%^%^@-ing Craig Counsel.

NBA Titles

  • Sacramento Kings - 1951 - Oh, how we all long for the days of........Pep Saul.
  • Atlanta Hawks - 1958 - No...Dominique did not play on this team.
  • Milwaukee Bucks - 1971 - The Bucks piloted by Meadowlark Lemon...err...Kareem Abdul-Jabbar won Milwaukee its last B-Ball Title.

Jimmy....Have you ever let scrubs go to town on Kareem's leg?

  • New York Knicks - 1973 - Does anybody really see this ending anytime soon?
  • Golden State Warriors - 1975 - If they could ever get Zarko Cabarkapa to shoot free throws like Rick Barry...look out.
  • Portland Trailblazers - 1977 - Clyde the Glide, Terry Porter, Kevin Duckworth (Ate small children during TV timeouts), Buck Williams...How did this team not win a championship?
  • Washington Bullets - 1978 - That's right...I called them the Bullets. It doesnt matter what they are called...they were terrible with the greatest player of all time (Disclaimer: Jordan was past his prime) and they are terrible now.

If I hadn't mentioned it already, the new Tool album is very good. Deeper lyrical poetry from Maynard and the gang with a tid bit more anger mixed into the musical genius that most Tool fans have come to expect from the band. I definitely suggest picking up the album and giving it a listen.



Sunday, May 28, 2006

The West Coast Transition...and a Spring Wrap-up

Moving....yeah, it sucks...

I am in the process of moving from Columbus to Seattle. A giant move, not only from a mileage aspect, but from a cultural and comfort standpoint. However, it is a welcomed move, which will no doubt be a challenge, as I am shifting my career focus from the Automotive to the Aerospace Industry. I will not give you any hints what entity that is utilizing my abilities (or lack threreof), but it is located in the Seattle-area and is a massive employer for this area of the country.

Now, onto more important abbreviated wrap-up of some of the spring sports....


OSU did not display the dominance in the Big Ten that has become the norm, during tourney time. In a mediocre baseball conference, such as the Big 10, it is safe to say that any team finishing outside of the top two in the conference standings probably will not have a chance to compete in the NCAAs, regardless of its showing in the conference tourney. However, the Bucks have been a household name in terms of success in the midwest for baseball, and should, again, be a contender in next year's season. A young team that grew up a lot, during the season, came together but ran into a Michigan squad that had its number all season taking all five meetings away from the scarlet & gray. Congrats to Coach Todd and all of the players on a good season.

Men's Tennis

Great job this year for the Men's Tennis team, as they took another step in the correct direction and served notice to regular Big 10 powerhouse, Illinois. Outstanding showing in the regular season and NCAAs. Get Ty Tucker and the boys an indoor practice facility "on-campus" and this program has the potential to turn into annual national power in college tennis.

Track and Field

Russ Rodgers...a great coach back in the day, but seems to be holding on a little too long. I have read other blogs on the topic of Russ (who I am sure is good person), and I agree that he is not coaching at an acceptable level when a Nelloms or Reynolds is not on campus. This weekend in Knoxville, Brian Olinger, Jenna Harris, and Keturah Lofton had exceptional showings at the NCAA Regionals in the 3000m, 200m, and hammer throw, respectively. They will represent the Buckeyes in the NCAA Championships in two weeks. Congrats to the individual performers, but isn't it strange that more of the football players, which have track backgrounds, arent participating?

Bienvenue....Willkommen....Bienvenidos we are....after months of reading posts that would make you laugh, cry, wonder how in the world anyone can relate Nietzsche to the Heisman Trophy, and ponder whether or not the "Cheetos" fingerprints will be removed from the Fulmer Cup before handing it over to the most deserving school...another blog arises from the ashes of past productivity to prove that us Americans can waste time with the best of them. So, here I am to attempt to entertain you good people.

The contents of the blog will discuss the topics that tend to interest me, such as OSU athletics, the Columbus Blue Jackets, and decent music (FU CD101...The Clash is not the only band that ever mattered). Nothing is off-limits...and opposing viewpoints will be welcomed and encouraged.

So with that.....we are off....

Go Bucks!!!
Go CBJ!!!
...and...well...Congrats to Sam Hornisch Jr. on his 2006 Indy 500 Victory.