Death Cab for Woody

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Beckham would not approve….

Having attended college football games in various places, I have noticed a disturbing trend in the apparel being put on display at the various establishments. Of course I would be remiss if I did not give a small shout out to our “jort” wearing brethren down south, but this is not really about them (However, there is a specific manlaw concerning “jort” geography restrictions, which may be addressed at a later date). This is about something a little more serious and I see this rule being broken over and over again at college football stadiums across the midwest.

Manlaw #719-45: Thou shalt not wear a college football replica jersey of a player when between the ages of 25 and 50.

Look, I realize that this is a hard rule for some to live by within the big three of the big 11 (Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania), but this is a necessary rule that is being pushed to the extreme every game day. College students and young men/boys are given a pass on this one, which will be addressed later in the post. Men that are pushing their 50’s could do anything they damn well please, and it would be a shame for someone in “manlaw” enforcement to take “Bob Barker-like” beating, while attempting to remove an Ian Gold jersey in Ann Arbor. It would be tough enough to get the old guy to stand up and show some life in the Big House, but once he gets started…look out. However, this absolute disregard for this rule is pushed even farther when mixed the following statute.

Manlaw #719-48: Thou shalt not wear a hat of any kind displaying the same team logo, if said person is wearing shirt or outerwear blazing the same team emblem.

It needs to be stated that there are exceptions to the enforcement of this rule, such as men/boys that are under the age of 19. They are young and stupid and their chances of getting some or even wanting some are slim to none (Note: Women, in general, do not need to adhere to any of these rules). This would be similar to owning a sportscar and wearing a driving jacket with the car’s logo on it.

Bottom Line

You don’t want to be that guy. Seriously.

I know that college football season is still months away. However, as us OSU fans head over to the Buckeye Corner and UM fans stroll to the M-Den to purchase this year’s overpriced Nike Team Sports shirt, it is imperative to not break these cardinal sins of gameday clothing.

Coming Soon: Jorts north of the Mason-Dixon Line…and Gas Station Team Apparel..Is it ok to wear (Moped Theory) or even buy (Gas Station Sandwich Theory)?



  • Why do you care so much about what other men wear?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:06 AM, May 31, 2006  

  • I wouldn't say that a 4-paragraph commentary on the nature of the middle-aged man wearing jerseys of kids that 5-10 years their junior is really "caring so much."

    It's meant to be a joke...not something that you critique like a Coupland novel.

    By Blogger Herringbone, at 9:28 AM, May 31, 2006  

  • I appreciate the reference the infamous "gas station apparel", a step below Apex Collegiate gear purchased at Value City and Schottensteins.

    By Anonymous buckvp, at 10:15 AM, May 31, 2006  

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