Death Cab for Woody

Monday, October 09, 2006

No Weekend Football for DCfW...I spent the weekend in Victoria, B.C.

First things first...

I didnt see the game this weekend for all those re-cappers out there thanks for letting me know that we won...now onto more skiddish topics...

Victoria is a very cool city. It sort of reminds me of Provincetown, Massachusetts, yet is a lot more liberal (Most would not think this is possible, but it definitely more "left" than Provincetown). Lots of history...lots of sights...lots of food...lots of Pacific Northwest Ales & Lagers...from 'Hefe' to 'IPA'. Came across a T-shirt in a souveneir shop..and thus the rant begins...

You might remember a Molson Canadian commercial that debuted back in the year of XXXX, which was aptly named "I Am Canadian." I had seen this commercial in the past,but had never really thought about the shots on American Culture and politics and that have become more and more annoying from our friends up north. This really reached its ultimate pinnacle, during the World Junior Hockey Championships last year in Vancouver, B.C. The US WJC team was booed anytime it was on the ice...not just when they played the host Canadians.

While I understand that there are activities conducted by our home country, which will not always shine the US in the best of lights. However, there are some things that are just unexcusable from our neighbors up north where 80% of the Canadian population lives within 100 miles of the US border.

Here is the video...



So let's examine the "I Am Canadian" Manifesto...

I am not a lumberjack, or a fur trader.

I think that we realize this as there are not that many forests or large beaver populations within 100 miles of the US Border.

I don't live in an igloo,or eat blubber, or own a dogsled,and I don't know Jimmy, Suzy, or Sally from Canada, although I am certain they are really, really nice.

Blubber = Inuits and other Native Americans Tribes...so you are ok there. What is wrong with Dogsleds? I would own one, if I were able to use it. I am pretty sure that you hurt Jimmy, Suzy, and Sally's feelings by not admitting that you know them...and yes...they are pretty nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President

No you have a puppet...just like us...deal with it.

I speak English and French, not American. I pronounce it "About" not "a boot"

No, you speak American...not English (like the British) otherwise we wouldnt understand Canadians either. It's beautiful how the Brits invented the language and have done their best to destroy the English language in the last 500 years. Please dont act like French is an accepted language. If Quebec was, geographically, the furthest province to the east in Canada, secession would sound like a great idea each time it comes up...actually it still does to most non-French Canadians I have ever met. Actually, I have never heard a Canadian say "a boot" or "about". However, I have heard Canadians say "abou..ooot", but I cant say that I am "agaynst" that.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack

Most "Granola's", like myself, can proudly put just about any patch on our backpack without fear of ridicule. I will say this though...the Canadian Flag is a little more aesthetically pleasing than the "Stars and Stripes."

I believe in Peacekeeping, not policing

Did you ever see that scene with Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men"? I speak for the US Military counterparts in saying "Your Welcome" for allowing the country of Canada to not have to worry about its existence with the last Superpower in the world setting underneath it and giving off bad vibes to any country that would think it might be a good idea to f*ck with Canada knowing who is waiting to the South to "Unleash Hell."

Diversity, not Assimilation

You got us there. Every Canadian city I have ever visited seems more like Ellis Island rather than a demonstration in Canadian culture.

and that the Beaver is a proud and noble animal.

We'll take your word for it...

The Toque is a hat,

So is a cap or a stocking cap...or a woolen hat...or a beanie...What is your point?

A Chesterfield is a couch

AKA Davenport, sofa, etc...Come on...You are better than that.

,and "Z" is pronounced "ZED" not "ZEE", "ZED"

See the above part about speaking English and the ultimate destruction of the language. Last time I checked, I have never heard anyone call it a "Zed-bra"...then again...I havent had many exotic animal conversations with my friends up north.

Canada is the second largest land mass,

Let us Americans know when more than 1000 Canadians travel more than 2000 miles north of the US border. It's great that you "got all that" land mass going for ya, but maybe use some of it and we would be a little more impressed. Dammit Canucks...Why do you think that New Mexico is not talked about when American geography is brought up? NOBODY GOES THERE!!!

The first nation of hockey,

When are you going to get that Lacrosse thing fixed? Ok...sweet.

and THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!!

To take a cue from my friends in Badgerland...."That's debatable"...

It more like it is the part of North America for Americans to take vacations in the wrong direction (ie away from warmer climates) and take advantage of a favorable exchange rate...aww crap...you guys went and found some oil in Alberta and my exchange rate is shrinking...dammit...shrinking!!!

My Name is "Joe", and"IAM CANADIAN!!!"

Yes, it is Joe, but let's not forget about Jimmy, Suzy, and Sally next time alright ya selfish, condescending prick....


I really do like Canada...and the people are great, but sometimes a little too much nationalism can be a bit of an annoyance...If you are looking for an example, look no further than our friends up north...where red and white maple leaf t-shirt with torn jeans is acceptable attire in the best of Canadian restaurants.

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4 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Jake, at 9:32 PM, December 01, 2006  

  • You're funny. but you are wrong on a few counts.

    "where red and white maple leaf t-shirt with torn jeans is acceptable attire in the best of Canadian restaurants."

    It depends where the jeans are torn AND no one would be caught dead in a tshirt with a canadian flag on it in our own country. Thats just a way to save our ass when we travel overseas, to make sure the host country knows we are in fact NOT from the united states, and that we come from a country with no real military threat. (unless you count our outbreak of avian flu as some type of biological warfare...)

    You probably saw tourists wearing the "maple leaf" they purchased at the same store you bought yours from.

    otherwise, very nice examination in deed.

    By Blogger Lisabelle, at 9:37 PM, December 01, 2006  

  • Interesting observations, Yankee...lol...I mean that in the most sincere Canuck way.

    As for nationalism...it seems to me that you guys own that word. But, whatever. You dwarf us by your presence...and we are insecure in your shadow...so we make funny beer commercials to make ourselves feel validated... That's okay, isn't it?...lol

    In defense of the English language...how "abou..ooot" we meet half-way and say that we speak different dialects of English? By the way, I live in Vancouver, and I have never heard anyone say "abou...ooot".I read it out loud just now and it sounded pretty odd. In my experience, the further east one travels in Canada, the more stereotypically Canadian people sound..and once you reach the east coast, the "maritimers" seem to have their own unique way of conversing...can barely understand them myself sometimes. Similar to the States, where you have the Southern drawl, and the more "generic" sounding mid-westerners, etc. Which reminds me...watched the movie "Fargo"...found it funny how "Canadian" they sounded. Just like my relatives in Alberta.

    And, as for Zed...I don't say "Ahr-adio", or "Ess-andwich"...but if you want to talk like that, go ahead. I'll figure it out. It's all semantics.

    Sarcarsm aside...

    The only thing that mildly offended me by what you said was your statement about "peacekeeping"...it's really too bad that Canada is in a position to have to be protected by her world-infamous Superpower Big Brother to the south. Not saying that's your fault, or that you have anything to do with US foreign policy...it's just too bad that the world is in the state that it's in, and that "homeland security" has had to become a household phrase...even here.

    Apologies on behalf of whoever booed the American hockey team. I was raised to believe that we Canadians were more polite than that.


    Kim (sister of Jimmy, Sally, and Suzy)
    Vancouver, BC

    By Blogger kimsmacn, at 1:56 AM, April 08, 2007  

  • To add...I grew up in Victoria, tourist capital of Western Canada. Lisabelle is right...only tourists wear maple leaf T-shirts and ripped jeans to a nice restaurant (in the tourist areas of town). I wouldn't be caught daed in one...except maybe if I were lounging around on the "chesterfield" at home, nursing my avian flu.

    Kim

    By Blogger kimsmacn, at 2:15 AM, April 08, 2007  

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