Death Cab for Woody

Monday, October 02, 2006

Auburn Laptop and Gameplan Found...First Look

Missing Auburn Laptop Found:

Luckily, this didn't fall into the wrong hands...

DCfW has the exclusive insider gameplan information on what was on the laptop stolen from Auburn. We have decided to evaluate these gameplan milestones for Tommy.

  1. [TT] If temperature is less than 80 ensure top button is securely fastened on game shirt and close neck gasket to ensure that no heat is released through neck-area. CHECK
  2. [TT] If temperature is greater than or equal to 80 degrees at kickoff, ensure that gametime sweater is worn on top of gameday longsleeve shirt mentioned above. CRITERIA NOT MET
  3. Run Kenny Irons into middle of USC defense. Makes no matter if they cant contain the corner on either side of the line. CHECK
  4. Leave entire middle of field open for tight end to roam freely without any consequence. CHECK
  5. Attempt to make a converted wide receiver look like a Heisman candidate for last 15 minutes of the game. CHECK
  6. Fool South Carolina crowd into thinking that they actually won, so they can applaud heartily in the postgame. CHECK
  7. Get Kirk Herbstreit to use the word “poopsie” on national television. CHECK
  8. Ensure that Southern Speed “Myth” lives on to fight another day. CHECK
  9. Find way to get The Citadel or VMI on schedule for the next 6 games. IN-PROGRESS…Have a call into Coach Glen Mason.
  10. After winning ugly (we are talking about Notre Dame co-ed ugly here people) against inferior opponent, vote War Eagle #1 and disregard the absolute trunk-f*cking that the REAL #1 team put on I-O-W-A… CHECK



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