I am not even sure where to start on this one....

I am not sure how I can take a man with the name "Gilles" serious here, who, as Luongo's agent, is speaking of the prospects of working out a deal for 1-year to re-sign with that Hockey Juggernaut of the SEC...the Freakin' Florida Panthers.

"We don't want to sign long term and then be traded to somewhere like, say, Columbus, and be stuck there,"

When I first saw the quote courtesy of A2Y, I immediately had thoughts of finding out where the man lives and sending a copy of the book "Things to do when you are a French Canadian agent trying to keep a French Canadian goaltender happy with a mullet that would make most IROC owners cower in fear." However, after conducting some in-depth research, I was able to peel away a couple of layers from the onion, that is Gilles, and start to get an appreciation of the man, the myth, the failed Ice Capade "wannabe"

Tidbit #1

From Gilles in March of 1978....

"Listen... I'm not dumb. I know very well that I'll never be part of the Ice Capades."



Tidbit #2 - Mustache...I say again. MUSTACHE!!!

Proud carrier of the Wannestadt mustachio since the late 70's

But then after realizing that a typical rant just wouldn't do it on this one, I started to do some research. I asked the question "Would it really be better to play in Florida for a year?"

So...enough about Gilles. You can't argue science baby....

Despite having a goaltender that will command upwards of 5-7 million per year, the Panthers barely finished above .500 for 2005.

Now compare this to my beloved CBJ. Missing best player (Nash) for about the first 25 games =

And...Yes, I realize the team finished well below .500. However, attendance should be the real identifier on the level of support for an organization within a city....and here we go with those factoids....

2005 Average attendance:

Columbus: 16,796 (Capacity = 18,136) (Cap% = 92.6%)
Florida: 16,014 (Capacity = 19,250) (Cap% = 83.2%)

I realize that there are more things to do in Miami, when your loaded with cash, like...

• Find smoking-hot chick at South Beach and become her Sugar Daddy
• Go to South Beach and lay out on the beach. Especially, when you are a pasty white hockey player...the chicks love it.
• Find a plethora tickets to any sporting event, since everybody in Miami is too busy doing other things..see above bullet.
• Stay stuck in traffic...forever.
• Immediately catch on fire after too much exposure to sun

With this myriad of available options, I can understand the lack of attendance at the games to see this once in a lifetime "catch of a" goaltender.

I would prefer if Gilles would just try the honesty angle. We dont to sign with the stinking Panthers for a long-term deal. After this year, Roberto Polychronopolous is a free agent and can sign with a winning team and make "shitpots" of money at the same time.

Gilles and Roberto fart in Columbus' general direction. State that Nationwide Arena smells of Hamsters and Elderberries.

I dont have a problem with dogging Columbus. It is a midwest town. It is a hell of a lot better than Montreal(regardless of its history..it is a shithole city and people are about as friendly as a urine tossing PSU fan on gameday), but Columbus is still a midwest town where hockey has been catching on like wildfire. The downtown area is in development, as few people actually live downtown, and the team looks like it is finally starting to turn the corner and potentially make the playoffs next year. Now, I am sure that the Columbus fans won't be able to come with anything as creative (pathetic) as throwing plastic rats on the ice, but the "rat thing" could be R. Polychronopolous' selling point to stay in town.